“Whoosh-whoosh.  Whoosh-whoosh.”

 

“What IS that NOOOISE? My Goodness, it sounds like a machine in here.”

 

I heard this exclamation as I cowered in one of the two bathroom stalls at a wedding reception.  I tried to put a receiving blanket over the pump to quiet the motor.  No luck.

 

“Whoosh-whoosh, whoosh-whoosh.”  I was hiding – in a beautiful strapless black bridesmaid gown, hoping no one knew I was pumping breastmilk for the baby before the DJ announced the bridal party.  I had been away from the baby for nearly six hours (hair, makeup, photos, church, receiving line) - I felt I was going to explode from my strapless dress and certainly distract attention from the bride, so I had desperately begged for my pump and hurried  to the guest ladies’ room to (ahem) relieve my discomfort – and provide nourishment for the baby.  

 

 “It’s a breast pump – I’ll be done in a few minutes.” I explained from behind the stall.

 

“Really, what on earth is that noise?  What is going on in here?  Maybe we should call someone.”  

 

Oh, geez.  I crouched further behind the door.  Hurry up and let down, Boobs.  Get the job done so I can excuse myself and let these ladies pee in peace.  

 

I fill two drop-ins with breastmilk, pack up my cooler and bag, re-fit my strapless nursing bra and fix my dress – open the stall door and introduce myself to the inquisitive lady in line – the groom’s grandma.  

 

Ahhh, the Adventures in Breast pumping begin….

We are getting ready to celebrate my oldest son’s 5th birthday this week, and I am finishing up pumping for my youngest son who also celebrates his first birthday this week.  My husband and I did the math.  Amazingly, for the past five years, I’ve been pregnant/nursing/pumping for more than 90% of the time I’ve been a mom!

 

I think back about my Adventures in Breast pumping and I really have to laugh at the places I have brought out my trusty pump.  From starting out on my couch watching trashy reality TV to becoming a professional pumper and feeling comfortable enough to pump on a flight from Jackonville FL to Baltimore during a snowstorm, I’ve become best friends with my pump.

 

Hopefully, other moms can learn from and laugh at these Adventures in Breast pumping!  Happy Pumping!